I am Joyce Nicole. A dreamer. A rebel without a clue. Cynical. I've got alot of troubles in my mind. I know someday, I'll find that I am not alone on this case. That alot of people out there have been frightened, confused and sickened by human behavior. ☁
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Some days I feel so pretty and all that shit. On the other days I just feel like shit. There are times that I feel like I deserve more. And some times I never let myself believe anyone could possibly be in love with me. Once in a while, I’m really smart and resourceful. And the rest, I think I’m so stupid. Get that?
I think what makes it more confusing is because of how people perceive me. Often times, others see me more than who I really am and what I am capable of. I run away from flattery, it makes me uncomfortable. I hear them as a bunch of lies. Maybe that’s why I go for people who don’t seem to see me that way. I settle for someone who does not think I’m the most perfect girl on earth. I like it that way, it’s less pressure. But there are days that I would feel so insecure because of the former.
Most of the time, I just don’t see what they see. There is this time when my seatmate in Rhetoric asked me if I have a boyfriend, and I said yes. She said, “Swerte naman ng boyfriend mo. Nako, ‘pag iniwan ka pa nun, angganda ganda mo.” I smiled, though deep inside I thought parang hindi naman..
It pisses me off how others insist that I deserve better because I’m pretty, or so they say. I just don’t get the logic in that. At times when I’m seeking for advice, they’d say “Alam mo, maganda ka. ‘Wag mo siyang problemahin.. Madami dyan magkakagusto sa’yo at makakahanap ka ng higit pa sa kanya.” Teka lang ha, pero punyeta!!! Ano bang kagandahan ‘yan at iaasa ko na lang dyan na mahalin ako..
Another thing is how others never give a chance on hearing on what I have to say. If I don’t see what they see, I think I am so much more if they’d give me a chance. I really appreciate the people who see the real me, even the not-so-good parts and still actually like me. I don’t really take comfort in the compliments of the ones who dwell upon the physical.
Can’t I be worthy because of my capability to love and care? I am not my grades nor my study habits. I am not my hair color nor my hair length. I am not face nor my body. I am not the way I talk nor that way I move.
I am how I think and feel for myself and for others. I am how I love and care for myself and for the people around me.
Six Degrees of Separation
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What’s gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
No there’s no starting over,
Without finding closure, you’d take them back,
That’s when you know you’ve reached the sixth degree of separation
A song of anticipation follows black leather footsteps
Seconded by the pitter pattering of a fist-sized machine
I’m jailed in your memory
These bars of sunlight and walls of scented smoke
And bound with picture frames of evening coffee stains
And cherry lip-gloss mends spaces in my head
Eventually present becomes a cage
I arrest this bird fearing flight
In longingness that you return
following a bunch of random awesome blogs, because i can. and my dash is feeling kinda lonely